I'm Not Okay
by ElectroGirlx
Summary: Without a doubt, Vince isn't the same person he was at the Zooniverse. He has changed, and Howard has taken notice. A deeper look at how Vince became the way he is. Rating will go up as story progresses
1. When I Grow Up

_The town of Norwich began to quiet down. Many parents were just getting home from work while their children started to head inside for dinner. Things seemed to be quieting down as very few people were left outside. The only sound left to be echoed through dusk was that of the quiet humming of sprinklers spread throughout lawns. The sky was marked with a beautiful orange and pink glow. This is what Vince loved about summer. When the town seemed to calm and reach a point of serenity. The sun warming his skin instantly as he stepped outside, then to reach a nice cool breeze once it was evening. The young boy sighed as he stared out of his bedroom window. He felt as if he could look at the sky forever and never get bored. It was such an amazing sight._

_"Vincey?" A soft voice called from behind. _

_The boy turned around to see his mother standing there. Vince smiled up at the tall woman. And although most people said this about their mothers, he would never deny that she really was absolutely beautiful. She had long wavy blond hair. She was thin and no one would guess she had two children. Her eyes were a bright, light blue. And her voice may have been the most comforting thing Vince had ever heard. It was no surprise that his mother, Elise, was previously a model until being forced to quit during her pregnancies. Although having the option to return to the profession, she declined. She claimed that she wouldn't miss her son and daughter's childhoods for anything in the world. She wanted to be there for her children, no matter what. Vince never knew how much that would someday mean to him._

_"Vince, honey? It's time to get to bed." Elise said as she made her way over to the six-year old._

_The boy sighed, putting his head down as he did so. "Okay mum." He replied and walked to his bed._

_His mother followed, pulling the sheets back for him and fluffing up the pillow a bit. After Vince layed down across the mattress, Elise pulled the sheets back up and over his little body. She gave him a small peck on the cheek, along with a warm smile. "You have sweet dreams tonight baby. Momma loves you."_

_Vince burried the back of his head into the pillow, snuggling up deep into the blankets. "Love you too, mum." He spoke quietly, his voice trailing off as he began falling asleep._

_"Goodnight Vincent._"_ Elise whispered to her son then flicked the lights off and left the room, cracking the door behind her._

_

* * *

_

"Vince! Vince, c'mon! We're going to be late, yeah? Hurry up!" The young man shouted, pounding his fists on the door of a very elaborate house - practically a mansion. It didn't take long for the door to swing open. A middle-aged man appeared, dressed in a nice suit and holding up a tray of tea-cups.

"Yes?" The man answered, a tone of irritation in his voice.

"Um...hi. Howard Moon, nice to meet you, er...sir. I'm here for Vince." The young man replied hesitantly.

"He will be down in one moment." The man said as he began to walk away, leaving the door open for Howard.

Howard walked inside and looked around a bit. He always felt uneasy in Vince's home. It was very big, very fancy. He was always afraid of breaking something or scuffing the floor. He felt incredibly out of place.

Before too long, Howard noticed Vince coming down the stairs. He was wearing tight black drain-pipes under his usual uniform shirt and tie. He also wore a nice blue jacket with their school's crest printed on it. On top of that, he had on a white studded belt, a few colorful buttons pinned on his jacket, a thin line of black eyeliner over his eyes, and tons of hairspray and root-booster covering his layers of dirty-blond hair. Howard was wearing the same, minus all of the glitz. He still had the uniform though, which he decided to finish off his own way - with a pair of tan-colored corduroy pants.

Howard rolled his eyes. "Nice outfit."

"Thanks." Vince smirked and fluffed his hair with his fingers.

"Let's just go, yeah? We're going to be late. Again."

"Alright, calm down." Vince grabbed a set of keys from a near-by table and began walking outside. Howard followed.

* * *

"Okay class, take your seats. C'mon now, settle down. Be quiet and take your seats." A woman shouted to the loud group of students entering the room. She was their English Professor. She wasn't too mean, only looked it. She had very pointed features and almost a natural frown. She had dark brown hair that was chin-length, small reading glasses pushed toward the tip of her nose, thick eyebrows, and cold black eyes.

Within a few minutes, the class was quiet. They all sat in their assigned seats and looked straight up at their Professor. "Now, class..." she started, "You're all reaching an important age in your lives. This is the time when you all should be deciding on what you're going to do with yourselves in the future. And those of you that already have this figured out, should be working for that. For the next few weeks, each of the English classes for your grade will be going over career paths and working on finding one suitable for each of you. Although we don't always choose realistic goals, those which are more far-fetched are good places to start in finding a good option. It gives us a chance to see what you're most interested in and what category you should be aiming for. So, I want each of you to stand up as I say your name and present to the class what you want to be when you're an adult. Remember, we're not taking this too serious yet, so you can say anything. Even the most unlikely. Tell us your dream job."

The teacher smiled upon the class as she took a seat behind her desk. She pulled out her class attendance list and began to go in alphabetical order with name selections. One after another, students would stand and state their goals for a career. After admitting his dream to be a surgeon, a young man sat down. The teacher glanced at her list, then read the next name, "Howard, go ahead."

Howard took a loud gulp of air. He was indeed nervous and absolutely hated public speaking, no matter how long or short it would last. He looked around the room. Everyone was staring and waiting for his response.

Vince looked at Howard from his seat beside him. He tried to give him an encouraging smile. "C'mon Howard, go on then."

Howard stood, feeling his legs trembling and his hands shaking. "Um...er...well...When I graduate...I was hoping to maybe be a writer or a Jazz musician or something. Maybe even an actor in short films...Like the ones directed by Jurgen Haabermaaster..." He looked around the room once more, shrugging a little as he sat back down.

A few people clapped and the Profesor smiled. "Ok, so something creative maybe? I think writing sounds like a good choice for you." She said reassuringly. She then nodded toward Vince. "Vincent, you're next."

Vince gave off a confident smile as he got up and stood in front of the class. While Howard couldn't even speak in front of more than three people without sweating, Vince loved the attention. "When I grow up..." He thought for a short moment, glancing around as though something in the room would give him an idea. Vince hadn't really ever put too much thought to his future. "...I want to be a Rock N' Roll Star!" He said enthusiastically just as the thought came to him.

He laughed a bit, as did some other students. "Classic Vince." One of the girls in the class said, giggling as she grinned at Vince.

The teacher chuckled, nodding. "Yes, surely something I would expect of you Mr. Noir. So, something musical? Maybe the entertainment industry? I can see that working well for you." She smiled and moved on to the next student.

As the class finished up, the Profesor got up and began handing out Career Pamphlets to each person. "Very well class. We'll pick this back up again tomarrow. Now, as to get you even more involved with career planning, we're all going to be going on a school trip to a Career Fair. You will meet with successful adults of different professions and interview them about their jobs. After talking to these people and seeing how they work and live, it should give you a better idea of what you're going to start working for. I've put a permission slip for the trip in each one of your pamphlets. Please get them signed by your parents or guardians by next Wednesday."

Just then, the bell rang. Everyone began to pick up their things and go. Howard seemed to be the first one out the door, Vince trailing behind.

"Hey, Howard!" Vince shouted. "Wait up!" He ran over to Howard and after catching up, looked up at the taller man curiously. "What's wrong with you."

"Talking in front of the whole class." Howard mumbled. "Ugh, I hate it."

"It was just a second."

"A second of humiliating myself."

"Oh, c'mon Howard. You may have said three sentences tops. What are you going on about?"

"I just don't like it. Makes me feel uncomfortable, getting up there in front of everyone like that."

"Well it's all over now. So, if you're done with your self-consciousness, I wanted to see if you could drop by after school?"

"Vince, you know I'm never done being self-conscious. And what for?"

"Do I need a reason? Howard, I'm your best friend. We haven't done anything in ages so I thought you could come over. We could watch a movie or go get ice cream or something."

"I'm not too crazy about ice cream, you know that."

"Why not? Ice cream is the best! Next to strawberry bootlaces of course."

"Eww. Don't like those either."

"Who doesn't like those?"

"I don't."

"Flying saucers?"

"Nope."

"Ultra Violets?"

"Vince, I don't like sweets. Too sugary, too...artificial."

"What are you on about? Too sugary? That's what's so great about 'em. Oh well, doesn't matter. We don't have to go get ice cream then. What if we just make pancakes?"

Howard eyed Vince and began to grin. Suddenly, the two slowly began to speak unison. "Eggs, milk, and flour - Pancake power. Look at his milky yellow sunshine face. Flip it now, flip it good, ooh! Flip it now, flip it good, ooh! Some are salt, some are sweet. Some are fruit, some are meat. The time we used the chive, it really came alive! Edible Frisbees, springtime Tuesday. I like to boogie." The two broke out in laughter, not bothering to noticed the few people staring and laughing.

"So?" Vince asked.

"Alright, you've got me convinced."

"Okay, cool." Vince smiled. Just before Howard turned to go to his next class, Vince pulled on his arm and stopped him.

"Don't touch me!" Howard exclaimed.

"Sorry, forgot." Vince shrugged. "But anyways, I need you to give this to your mum and get it signed for me." Vince handed Howard his permission slip for the Career Fair.

"Can't you just get your Uncle to sign it?"

"He's off on a business trip and won't be back until next Saturday."

"Oh, alright then." Howard to the paper and folded it over his own.

"So tonight then, pancakes and maybe some crimping?"

Howard chuckled, nodding his head. "Sure. But only if it's in the night, when no one's looking, yeah?"

* * *

"Vince?" Howard asked from behind the kitchen table. He had tons of papers and textbooks in front of him, which he had been studying with all night.

"Yeah?" Vince replied, standing by the counter, stirring the pancake batter in a big mixing bowl.

"Why is it that you want to be a...er...Rock N' Roll star, so to speak?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, just...why that?"

"I dunno. I guess I just like to...be in front of people? You know, like having a huge crowd of people cheering for you and wanting to be like you. Seems alright, dunnit?"

"I guess." Howard shrugged.

"Well, why do you want to be a Jazz musician?"

"Because I love Jazz."

"But if that were to really happen, you would have to go in front of people then, yeah?"

"I...er...I suppose."

"See. Just imagine, You're up there with your- uh...trombone?"

"-Trumpet." Howard corrected him.

"Same thing. Anyways, imagine you're up there with your Jazz stuff, right. And you're playing and afterwards, the whole crowd goes wild, yeah? They're cheerin' yer name and begging for an encore. Then outside the shows, you 'ave all these people trying to dress like you, walk like you, talk like you, just because they think you're cool. Dun that sound electric?" Vince smiled.

"I guess, yeah. So that's what you want? When you're older."

"Yeah, of course. Who wouldn't?"

"But doesn't the idea of being watched by tons of people sort of take the piss out of everything?" Howard asked as he watched Vince start to pour batter on to the pan.

"Not really, no. Sounds perfect to be honest, being famous. I could even be on cheekbone!" Vince said cheerfully.

Howard looked down at the book which was open in front of him. It was for a psychology class. As he listened to Vince explain why he wanted to be famous so much, he continued to scan the page. He understood perfectly well why someone would want to be famous, but he'd never seen someone so worked up about it - so obsessed with it, not like he'd seen Vince. Vince was always trying to dress with the latest fashions and do his hair like which ever styles were 'in', he lived for popularity and it sometimes seemed to be all he cared about. And as he read through his textbook, Howard was finally started to understand why.

"People with a troubled childhood often have a desperation for attention." Was printed in big bold letters across the page. Howard scratched his head as he looked back up at the other young man whom was now putting a stack on pancakes on a plate. He seemed so happy though, Vince was the Sunshine Kid. The descriptions in the book seemed to match Vince's personality exactly, but how could this person have had a bad childhood? He grew up in what is practically a mansion with his incredibly wealthy Uncle. But that's when it hit Howard - Vince lived with his Uncle. Why exactly? He'd never thought to ask, until now.

Vince came and joined Howard at the table. He placed a stack of pancakes in front of him and after pouring tons of syrup on his own plate, he passed the bottle over to Howard. Howard didn't say anything, he just continued to look at Vince, puzzled. Vince looked perfectly fine. It always seemed as if nothing even remotely bad had ever happened to him.

"Hey, um...Vince?"

"Yeah, Howard?"

"Where are your pa-" Howard cut himself off. He realized that if Vince was really willing to talk about it, he would have mentioned it before. They had known eachother for seven years and Vince had not once brought up his parents before. Howard knew there must have been a reason. He obviously didn't want to discuss it. So Howard let it go, and began to dig into his pancakes. And as they ate, the two young men smiled at eachother and began murmuring their 'Pancake Crimp."


	2. Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

Another rainy day and another few hours spent at school. The sounds of people shouting at one another and chairs skidding across the floor suddenly came into focus as the final bell rang. Vince moved his head around a little, back in fourth within the inside of his folded arms. The cool surface of the desk below him comfortably pressed against his cheek.

"Vince..." he heard someone say his name, beginning to feel a light touch on his shoulder.

"Vince...Vince?" He heard twice more.

"...Vince!" Was the last thing he heard before finally opening his eyes.

"Huh, wha-?" Vince hummed quietly and pulled his head up, blinking a few times and looking up at the young man standing over him. "Oh, Howard." He said with a long yawn, stretching his arms out over his head. He got up on his feet and pushed his chair in, eyeing the room around him. "Has class ended already?"

Howard nodded his head, picking his books up from a neighboring table and starting to follow Vince out of the room. "How long were you asleep in there?" He asked as the two shuffled their way through the halls.

Vince shrugged a bit as he stopped along a row of lockers and started turning one's combination. "No idea."

Howard watched Vince pop open his locker and place all of his books and materials inside. While most students there would have taken half of their textbook colloection home for homework and studying - including Howard - Vince hardly ever touched a pencil.

"Should we go then?" Vince slammed his locker door shut and began towards the main doors.

"Right. But, er...Vince?" Howard stopped in his tracks. He already had this entire conversation planned out. He was going to break the news to Vince and immediately go home. Simple, right? Wrong. The moment Vince twirled around, Howard got a good glimpse of the younger boy's bright, blue eyes. He looked so cheerful, Howard dreaded to ruin it.

"Yeah?" Vince smiled.

"Um..."

Vince's facial expression fell. Howard could of sword that Vince's eyes rapidly grew to be twenty shades darker than they had just been. Howard remained silent.

"...Howard?"

"I have to..." Howard let out a sigh, slowly running his fingers through his smokey brown hair and looking away from Vince. He thought maybe if he distracted himself, the whole thing would go by easier. He put his attention on the paper clip he noticed on the floor. After spending a moment to push away the urge to pick it up and keep it for his stationary collection, he slowly started to speak.

"Vince, I have to talk to you about something."

Vince kept his eyes on Howard the entire time. He didn't say a word in response. Instead, he simply stood still and awaited Howard's news.

"You see...I-I'm, er..."

"...You're what?" Vince spoke quietly after a long moment of silence between the two.

"...I'm moving."

Vince's eyes widened. For a second, Howard thought he saw a tear form in Vince's eye, but figured it must have been glitter or something.

"...What?" Vince finally asked.

"It's not tha-" Howard began, before getting cut off by a sudden shriek.

"WHAT?!"

"Vince, it's not-"

"Where?! When?! WHY?! I can't believe this! No, Howard, please don't! You can't, just please don't leave!" Vince began to beg. For a second, he even expected himself to fall to his knees, push himself towards Howard and cling to his legs like a small child.

"Vince, it's not that big of a deal. We can still talk on the phone and write letters, it will all be fine." Howard stated calmy, trying to put together in his head why Vince was acting this way. He was surprised to see that someone was actually caring about it.

"Answer the question!" Vince demanded, his eyes pleading.

"Wh-which one?"

"All of them!"

"I'm only going a few hours away. It's a zoo, Vince! Animals and everything, you would love it. And you can visit whenever you want. I'm taking a job there as an assistant zookeeper. I'm leaving tomarrow."

"No!" Vince shouted, turning away to face the other side of the empty hall.

"Vince, what's the matter? I was hoping you would be excited about all this. It's a zoo, you love animals."

"You can't leave! You just can't Howard, please don't..."

"C'mon Vince, it's not that bad. We'll still talk and I'll visit every few months..."

"S'not the same, Howard! You can't go! You just can't! You're my best friend...You 'ave been since we were kids. I don't 'ave many other friends, you know? I'll be so bored. Who am I supposed to crimp with? Make soup and pancakes with? Cheat off of in school? Dance around with outside in the snow and have a satsuma fight with?"

"Of course you've got other friends, haven't you? What about Leroy? You two seem to get off pretty well together. You'll be fine Vince. Trust me, you don't need me here."

"Yes I do! Why would you even need to go there anyway? What about school?"

"It's a good offer and I don't want to pass it up. Face it, this school won't even remember me in three days. I don't need it and it doesn't need me. I'm better off over there."

"But I'll remember you! What about me?"

"Vince...You're my best friend. I won't forget you either. How can I? You are Vince Noir, after all."

Vince looked up at Howard, shining off a hint of a smile with a nod.

"Look, it's not like this is the last time we'll ever see eachother, okay?"

"...'Kay." Vince looked down sadly.

"Now, we have a whole day left before I'm out of here. So what do you say we go do something, yeah? Go get some air, maybe some ice cream. Even sweets."

Vince quickly looked up at Howard with a wide grin, the shine in his eyes beginning to come back once more. "Really? But you hate sweets."

"Anything for you, Noir." Howard spoke with a soft laugh and finally continued down towards the main doors with Vince.


	3. Purple Haze

_[Dear Vince,_

_Things are going great here at the zoo. I don't think I ever mentioned this before, but I used to come here alot when I was a boy. My father would bring me once every few months, until he passed away. Not much of it has changed from what I remember. Except Tommy. He was a mate of my Dad's. Every time we came here, Tommy would show me around and even let me help out with the animals. He was a nice man, good sense of logic too. Very wise. Unfortunately, I found out that Tommy disappeared a few years back. Sort of strange, really. I would hate for something like that to happen to one of us. Of course, if you disappeared, I would have enough sense to look for you in TopShop. Sometimes I get flashbacks as I walk the corridors. I can't believe I'm finally grown up now. I have my own job, I'm moved out of my mother's flat and I've been supporting myself for almost a year. I used to dream about the day I got out on my own, out of that place. But now that I actually am on my own, I've come to realize it's not what I always pictured. It's harder than I thought and no where near as fun. But I guess this is what I should have expected, a more realistic lifestyle. And you know what, Vince? I miss you. How have you been doing anyway? I've been homesick for you for ages. I would even get ice cream and buy a bucket of sweets with you if I could. It's been boring without having you around. I can't wait to have you visit soon. Well, I'm off to go feed the llamas now. They get well cranky when they haven't eaten._

_Howard]_

As the school year slowly began to vanish, so did Vince's sanity. Living every day like normal was impossible without Howard. There was no one to talk to or hang out with, aside from those bloody shallow mates Vince spent most days trying to avoid when he wasn't bothering to impress them with his style and charm. There was Leroy, but even he was a little booked up from getting a job of his own as well. And besides that, Leroy wasn't anything like Howard. Vince normally couldn't talk to Leroy about serious matters. They actually didn't talk much at all, not about themselves or each other anyway. Only other people - gossip. They would go out and look around at shops, spend hours doing eachother's hair, then there were those occasional nights out where Leroy would end up convincing Vince to try one of his colorful pills, get a sniff of his newest white powder substance, or take a sip of the mystery drink going around the room. And as Vince spent more and more time with Leroy, these things started to gradually consume his life more and more. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a decent conversation with someone.

Things were different now, no doubt about it. At first, Vince hated it. He couldn't stand the thought at his life changing, aside from the fashion trends and latest hairstyles. But he missed the way things were, when Howard was there. When he had a friend - a real friend.

The young man sat in the corner in the room, comfortably on the floor. His eyes widened a bit, his pupils dilating as well. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, but nothing ever came out, until he finally broke the silence in the room. "Wha-what's..." His voice began to trail off, blending with the faint sound of music that was flowing through the room. He didn't continue his sentence, instead fixing his eyes upon the carpet and gazing at it.

Leroy looked up at Vince, after taking a long, deep inhale facing his bong. Slowly letting go of his breath, he looked at Vince for a moment, scratching his head. "...Huh?"

Vince suddenly looked back up at Leroy, the sound of the other man's voice made him jump at first. He sighed a little, shaking his head back and fourth slowly. "What's happening to me?" He began to stare at his own hand.

"...I dunno." Leroy simply shrugged.

"What did you give me?" Vince replied slowly.

"Uh...a pill. And a little of this, remember?" He pointed at his bong. "You took a pretty big hit, mate."

"Oh yeah...I feel weird Leroy."

"It'll be fine, Vince. You didn't take that much..."

"What was the pill?" His words began to slur.

"...I-uh...no idea." Leroy shrugged once more. "Sorry, forgot."

"I feel like I'm going to die..."

"You're not."

"I think I am."

"You're not."

"I am. I am! Fuck, Leroy! I can't breathe!" It was then that Vince started breathing heavily, tiny beads of sweat dripping down his face as the paranoia settled.

"Vince!" Leroy shouted, crawling over to Vince on the floor. He put one arm around Vince's back, the other to his side, and pulled Vince upwards to sit up straight. "Settle down, you're fine - I promise, 'kay?"

Vince tried to nod, but started to feel too numb to move at all. He didn't need to though, Leroy could see the look in Vince's eyes and noticed he was beginning to calm down.

"You're just getting a little hyper, that's all. You don't do this very often, so it's probably going to 'ave a bigger effect on you. Don't worry, mate."

Vince continued to stay silent. He breaths grew smaller as he looked around the room in confusion. He was starting to wonder to himself what was going on exactly. He felt as if he didn't know where he was anymore. Sure, he knew he was obviosly still in Leroy's room, but everything began to look different; smell different; sound different; feel different. He began feeling as though he wasn't even on the same planet anymore - But he liked it. Vince slowly leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest but at the same time, he felt relaxed. He felt good.

_[Howard-_

_I dunno if you know this fer-shure, but I really miss you. It's weird without you here. I wish you could cum back. Sorry to hear 'bout that man dying. I 'ave been pretty well. I got some new straighteners last week and they are brilliant._ _It seems so boring here though. I supposed I 'ave gotten a couple new friends, but s'not the same. Leroy's ok, just a bit out of it these days. My Uncle left for Rome two days ago. Doesn't really feel any different without 'im though. I'd tell you a little bit more but my hand hurts. I'm not really used to writing this much so it's a bit weird on my arm. It was fun when you came to visit on Christmas though, it would 'ave been electric if you would of stayed longer. Pretty soon school will be over and I can stay with you for a bit in the summer. See you then._

_xVinceNoir,RockNRollStar]_

A few more months went by and nothing much changed since. Vince's grades had started to slip, although it didn't matter much. His Uncle never did pay much attention to how Vince was doing in school. At least, not as much as Howard. Howard was always going off about how important good grades were, and how Vince was 'smart,' he just needed to try harder.

Leroy stopped coming around after getting a second job which he would work during the night-times. He still never did tell Vince what exactly the occupation was, but Vince knew Leroy probably didn't want him to know anyway, so he didn't push it.

Vince even managed to get a few girlfriends during the rest of the school year. Actually, one boyfriend too. Although, his boy-on-boy relationship didn't last too long. Especially since he wasn't particularly interested in that person at all, he just saw an article about same-sex dating in 'Cheekbone.'

_[Dear Vince,_

_I will be at the train station to pick you up at around four-thirty o'clock. Remember, that's in the afternoon, Vince. And don't forget what I told you about talking to strangers and that sort of thing. Always check your pockets frequently to make sure you don't lose any of your stuff. Bring some hand sanitizer with you as well, you've got no idea what kind of germs are lurking around that place. Now Vince, once again, I will be there at four-thirty, okay? Don't be late!_

_Howard]_

The loud train came to a screeching stop. Howard stood eagerly by, awaiting to see his best friend once more. It had been six months since he'd seen Vince. He couldn't wait to see what new 'trend' the younger man was trying to pull off now. As if out of nowhere, he suddenly heard his name being called faintly. He knew that sound - that voice. His eyes widened to an almost average size as he looked around excitedly. "Vince!" he called, finally finding the person running towards him.

Vince couldn't even count the times he stumbled on his heels. He nearly pushed a few people over as he eagerly sped across the platform. "Howard! Howard! Howard!" he called continuously as he ran. He knew Howard could hear him and he knew he already had the man's attention, but it was calling his name and being able to see his face that Vince missed so much.

Finally, the two met, immediately catching up in a hug. With their arms wrapped around each other, they smiled and laughed, ignoring the looks they were getting from surrounding people.

"You look great," Howard spoke as he looked up and down at his friend.

"Thanks, Howard! So do you," Vince smiled in return.

"Than- Wait, really?" Howard gave Vince a shocked glance.

"Of course, you ball-bag. Now come on, show me this Zoo! I want to see everything! Where you live, the people you've met, the animals...Hell, I want to see the whole bloody town. So c'mon, let's move!"

Howard noticed Vince's excitement to actually be in a new place other than his hometown. He laughed a bit and smiled at Vince's cheerful-looking eyes. "Of course, of course. I'll just help you with your- er...Vince? Where are your bags? I would guess that surely, you of all people would have at least-" Howard was then cut-off but Vince pointing across the station at a huge cart full of suitcases and a variety of colorful bags. Howard sighed, almost with a laugh, as he shook his head with a genuine smile. "Same old Noir."

By the time the two reached the Zoo, it was sundown. Vince watched Howard unlock and open the gate, his eyes wandering up to the sign above. "Bob Fossil's Zooniverse..." He read aloud. "Who's Bob Fossil?"

Howard looked away, rolling his eyes. "Er...you don't want to know. Trust me."

Vince didn't say anything, he just gave Howard his innocent-looking pout, with those bright blue puppy dog eyes that were just screaming: Tell me.

Howard sighed, pushing the rusty gate open. "It's my boss. He's the manager here."

"So? What's the big deal? What's so bad about him?" Vince asked as they picked up his numerous bags and began hauling them to Howard's Zookeeper hut.

"He's just a bloody berk. You'd understand if you met him."

Vince nodded, looking around at the place. It seemed huge, although in retrospect he would later agree that it was rather small. All the many corridors and animal cage's made it seem big. He suddenly stopped in his tracked, jaw dropped at the colorful Kiosk standing in front of the two. The inside looked to be full of beautiful, bright, sparkling designs and items. Vince couldn't hide his joy at the sight. "What is that?" He asked Howard with a wide smile.

"That's the Zoo's Kiosk. Looks to be closed though, Naboo's not in there."

"Who's Naboo?"

"The vendor. He's a shaman too, so he's usually the bloke we go to when we have problems 'round here."

"So, where is he then?"

"Inside probably." Howard replied as the two inched closer to the stand.

It was then that Vince noticed the aroma going around the area. Strands of white smoke started to come from inside the curtains which were hung in the back of the stand. Vince knew that smell. "Is there a room back there?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, that's were Naboo lives. That's why the kiosk is propped up against that little building there. Wait, why does it matter anyway?"

"It doesn't!" Vince immediately shouted defensively. "I mean..." He spoke quietly, a blush forming on his cheeks. "Just wonderin'." He shook his head. "Let's just go..."


	4. Smells Like Teen Spirit

_This whole thing is so much more difficult than I ever expected. When I got started with all this, I never thought much of it. I figured I could quit whenever I wanted. I never thought addiction could get its unpolished hands on me. That's not like me. That's Leroy. Leroy is weak. Leroy is easily manipulated. Leroy is addicted. That's not me at all. I'm Vince Noir, King of the Mods. Nothing can control me._

_That's why I won't tell Howard. He doesn't need to know. I have it under control anyway. I shouldn't worry him by letting him find out. I'm fine. I'll be fine._

_Today was quite good. Howard showed me around a little more. I talked more to that shaman Howard told me about. Naboo, he's quite nice. A little small though. And speaks with a lisp. Sometimes it's hard to understand what he's saying. But I like it, 'is voice. And 'is height. I think it gives him character._

_Naboo is quite the smoker though. So many different herbs and dusts I didn't even know could be inhaled or sniffed through me nose… Hopefully he won't tell Howard either. I better have a word with 'im later 'bout that._

_The zoo is so fun during the day. They've let me help out with taking care of the animals and I can't see why so many employees complain so much about their job. It's not hard at all. I think it's quite amusing actually. There's even a talking gorilla! 'Is name is Bollo. Naboo used some sort of spell on him to grant 'im the gift of speech. It's because he's Naboo's familiar and it's much more helpful when he can actually talk to Naboo. When Naboo upgrades, Bollo will lose the gift. I sure hope he don't upgrade though. I like Bollo. And it wouldn't be very fun if he couldn't talk._

_It's not very interesting at night though, which is quite a surprise for me. I love nighttime. But 'ere, it's just boring. Howard was right about that Manager too. Fossil…such an idiot. He can be funny at times though. I think he likes me. He's always asking to pet my hair or for me to go out and play a game of water-bowling with 'him. He's quite obsessed with the zoo's owner though. Name's Dixon Bainbridge and he's quite the twat. Fossil's always following Bainbridge around and trying to get a feel-up of 'is moustache. Fossil's always dancing too – he's not too good…_

_I miss Leroy a bit. Right now it's eleven at night. Howard's asleep and I ought to be too. If I were back home, Leroy would have snuck me out hours ago and we would 'ave gone out somewhere. Maybe to a party or back to his house to try out some new pills. It's almost like he's got a subscription to them. Every time there's something new going around school, Leroy's one of the first to get it – for a cheap price too. You'd think because of that, they'd be bad, but they're not. Quite good quality actually. I was well surprised. They had me goin' all night and even a little the morning after. I never know what it is that I'm taking though. Sometimes I'll look at the color, shape and size and if I remember by the next day, I'll look them up in one of the schools 'Stay Clean!' pamphlets, but if not, I just go with it and take them anyway. I've got quite a liking to pills. Far more than smoking, whether it's rolled up or in a bong – pills are well better. There's so much less work. Less likely you'll get caught too. So quick and no evidence aside from a drug test. And no one cares enough to pay for one of those._

_Well, Howard keeps moving around in his sleep and I'd rather I don't get caught up at midnight writing in this thing. I think I'll hide it under the couch cushions and get to bed._


	5. Your Joy is my Low

Bob Fossil's Zooniverse was just reaching closing time. The remainder of the employees that were still on the clock continued to sweep up the ground and get the animals settled in their cages. It was close to 80 degrees and the sun was about to set, leaving a nice summer vibe along the zoo.

Vince stood beside Naboo's kiosk. The shaman sat behind the counter, packing contents into a generous-sized plastic bag while Vince impatiently waited.

"C'mon Naboo, hurry! I don't want Howard to catch us."

"Calm down," the shaman began with a lisp. "He's off cleaning out the flamingo houses. We've got plenty of time. Now don't rush me. I don't want to end up giving you the wrong thing or something, yeah? Just hold on there."

Vince sighed with a short nod, glancing behind him every few seconds to watch for Howard. Or anyone for that matter. Either way, Howard could hear about this.

"Sorry Naboo. Just a little anxious, that's all. I haven't been back home in ages. And on top of that, I'm excited about trying this stuff out. But then I'm also scared that Howard will fi-" Vince paused, his eyes widening in disbelief. "Wait…"

Naboo stopped, lightly dropping the bag on the counter and looking Vince closely in the eye to be sure he was okay. "Vince, yeah?"

"…You have flamingos here?!" A wide smile began to press on his face. "That's electric! I love flamingos. The beautiful shade of pink, their shape, the way they do that cool thing where they stand on one foot. I didn't even know you could keep those in a place like this…."

Vince didn't get very far before receiving a firm punch on the arm from Naboo.

"What was that for?"

"You idiot! I thought you had gone into a coma or something. Turns out to be just you going on about damn flamingos." Naboo rolled his eyes before picking the bag back up and continuing to load it up and close it. "You're the only person I've ever met that actually gives a shit about animals."

"But Naboo, you live in a zoo." Vince corrected, or at least tried to.

"Sad, isn't it?" Naboo implied with a nod and pulled another plastic bag out from behind the counter. He began to fill it with a different substance than the last one, eventually leading to six different bags plopped on the counter-top. Once he was finished, he handed them to Vince, whom threw them into his suitcase which was sitting beside him.

"Thanks again. This should be a fun school year to look forward to now that I have this stuff. I bet none of my friends back home have even heard of half of it." Vince grinned proudly.

"No problem. Just make sure you don't mix the wrong ones together or take too much. Keep it gradual, Vince."

Instead of replying, Vince simply nodded. It was then that he twirled around to see Howard coming up behind him. He looked rather angry. Did he see something? Vince suddenly felt a bit of nausea build up in his stomach. He took a quick gulp of air, nervously glancing around at the background behind Howard rather than look him in the eye. _Maybe Howard didn't see it… _Vince thought to himself. _Or maybe he didn't have to see it. Maybe someone else saw and told Howard about it. Oh please, no…Please, please, please…_

"Er…Howard! What's going on?" Vince asked with an attempt at casualty. "Is uh…something wrong?"

Howard's upset gaze fell and immediately switched to a look of curiosity. "What are you talking about? And why are you acting so weird? Vince, is that…sweat?" Howard spoke while running his finger along Vince's hairline.

"No! Don't touch the hair Howard!" Vince exclaimed while stepping back and combing his hair along the sides with his fingers.

Howard let out a small laugh and nodded his head and Vince's request. "But of course, how could I forget your ten commandments of hair?"

Vince sighed of relief, "Yeah, yeah. You can't ever forget those Howard, they're important. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had them copyrighted and leather-bounded. "He laughed slightly, feeling his anxiety slowly wear away. "And I wasn't sweating. I was just…erm…glistening. It's in vogue and everything. Very in right now amongst the young crowd of Camden vamps and London-type mods."

"Sorry I haven't been keeping up with your fashion reading materials. But I've been rather preoccupied, haven't I?" Howard sighed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I'm getting behind on my payments. Fossil gave me my second warning for my daily morning Jazz Trance. One more strike and I'm out. My mother's getting quite ill. I feel like I can even smell Tommy, as if he's still here and it's getting me quite down. I still can't get Gideon to even look at me. She has no idea what my name is although I've told her at least twenty-six times. My moustache looks like a flimsy mess of crumbs compared to Bainbridge's but I can't get mine to grow any further. I've been on monkey duty all week and I'll have you know it's disgusting. And you're…" Howard shortly paused. "…leaving."

Vince looked at Howard for a moment before speaking again. On one side of things, he was relieved to hear that Howard didn't know about anything Vince had been up to during the time he was visiting the zoo. But on the other hand, Howard actually was upset. And although Vince wasn't the reason why Howard was upset, it still hurt Vince to see him like that. He reached his arm out and patted Howard's back a few times before rubbing it in a comforting manner. "Oh c'mon Howard, don't get down on yourself. I'm sure your payments will work themselves out in time. Fossil's a berk anyway so who cares if he tries to fire you. You think Dixon would really listen to him of all people? I'm sure you mother will be just fine. Next time you come home to visit, she'll be good as new. It's probably just a cold or something. Tommy's with you in spirit, remember? He's keeping an eye on you, which means things will definitely work themselves out. Forget about Gideon. She's too boring. Too uptight. You can do better anyway. I happen to like your moustache. Any thicker and you'd look too much like a twat with a caterpillar crawling around on his lip. Bainbridge looks like a jerk-off anyway. You probably won't be on monkey duty next week then, so you can look forward to that. And Howard," Vince moved his fingers along the bottom of Howard's chin, forcing him to look Vince in the eye. "I'm always here for you. Even if I have to go back home, we can still call, write…"

"Vince, that's it!" Howard suddenly said, cutting of Vince.

Vince eyed Howard for a moment, looking rather confused. He raised his eyebrow slightly up at Howard. "What's it?"

"You can stay here with me at the zoo! You can come live with me in my zookeeper's hut. I'll get a job set-up for you here and you won't have to leave – It's perfect!"

"Howard…" Vince slowly began, "I'm still in school, remember? I'm just a kid. I can't move to a zoo and get a random job here with the blink of an eye. Besides, what about my Uncle?"

"You don't need all those bloody things Vince. Those little tests you have to take aren't important. What's important is getting started in the real world, instead of some high school fantasy world."

"What does Harry Potter 'ave to do with it?"

"No, I meant- never mind. Just listen Vince, You don't need that school. You can drop out and do just as well. If anything, this will be preparing you for life sooner anyway because you'll be getting job experience. Besides, you love animals Vince! More than anyone else here does at least. And I'll help you. I'll teach you the things you need to know like Tommy taught me."

"Howard, believe it or not, I already know all that stuff. They gave us pamphlets in Health class earlier in the year."

"I'm not talking about sex-ed. Vince. I mean, I'll teach you what you need to know about working here and about living independently and taking care of yourself, which is really the most important thing you should be learning."

"Are you sure? How to put on a condom seems like a pretty valuable piece of information to know too. I'm actually quite glad they gave us those pamphlets. I even know how to spot certain kinds of sexually transmitted-"

"Vince, focus here! You could stay and live with me! I'm sure your Uncle won't mind. He probably wouldn't even notice you missing to tell you the truth. Not as if he's ever home anyway."

"So let me get this straight Howard…you want me to move in with you, drop out of school and get a job here at a zoo. For what? So you're not so sad all the time? Are you sure this whole set-up is actually for me? Or is it just to make you feel better?" Vince asked while pulling away from Howard further and inching closer to the kiosk.

"No, no, of course not. I just mean…Vince, I'd miss you and I just- I don't want to split up again. We're a team remember? You're like my brother. And since I've been away from my family for so long, well…I need…somebody…" Howard spoke quietly.

Vince's eyes grew with sadness. He'd never heard Howard say anything like that before. Howard had never been close to admitting he actually needed Vince – until now. "Howard… I guess I could work something out and try to-"

Vince was cut off once more by the shaman who the two managed to completely forget was standing there the whole time. "You ball-bags." Naboo rolled his eyes. "Howard, I don't get why having Vince here is such a big deal. You seemed alright without 'im. I mean sure, you do always look a little bit depressed every now and then, but who doesn't? If you ask me, you just need something to ease your mind. I could even spot you a few free samples if you like. Trust me, a little of this stuff and you won't even remember who Vince is, let alone give two shits about him."

"I don't need drugs Naboo. Those are for stupid berks anyway. They're useless. And I'd appreciate you not trying to get me into those. Especially not in front of Vince."

Vince felt a lump in his throat. He didn't know if he should just stay quiet or say something. But he couldn't let Howard find out now. He'd already gone through too much trouble to keep it a secret. And he didn't want Howard to hate him. He knew Howard hated drugs. Vince hated that about Howard. He was so closed-minded sometimes. He wouldn't even try it, just once. Sometimes Vince wondered what it would be like if Howard could just suck it up and simply try it with him. It might even be nice. Howard could ease-up and relax a little.

Vince looked at Naboo, who opened his mouth as if he were about to speak. Being that Vince was afraid of the possibility of Naboo saying something that would rat him out, Vince jumped in and interrupted, immediately trying to change the subject. "I'll do it!"

Naboo and Howard both stopped, looking at Vince simultaneously while saying, "Do what?"

"Really? Did you two already forget? We were just talking about it, remember? I stay here and get a job. Drop out of school. Everyone lives happily ever after…remember?" He paused for a moment in silence. While trying to think of another tactic to calm the slight rise of tension, Vince added a small chuckle at the end of his sentence. "I mean, I'll do it. I'll stay here." He smiled. Of course, it was a fake smile. A fake, eager, anxious, nervous, someone-get-me-the-hell-out-of-here smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. And it worked.

Howard turned away from Naboo to look at Vince and give him a quick hug. He laughed a bit and nodded, feeling a sudden beam of happiness come over him. "Alright then, so it's settled? We'll just call the school so you can resign, and then we'll give your Uncle a ring and let him know."

"Erm…okay then, I'll uh…I'll go call them right now…" He spoke with another fake smile.

"Right, and I'll go talk to Fossil and ask about any job openings! Right then. So, go take your suitcases back to the hut and we'll get you re-unpacked. I'll see you in a bit." Howard smiled one last time before heading off to Bob's office.

Vince managed to keep the grin pasted on to his face until Howard was out of sight. But his face then immediately dropped. He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, thinking to himself and trying to figure out what the hell just happened within those past few minutes. One second, Naboo's getting Vince's stuff together for the road. And the next, he's staying, dropping out of school and moving into the zoo with them where he would have to get a job as a keeper and leave the rest of his friends back home behind. What about Leroy? Now Vince wouldn't even get the opportunity to show him the things that Naboo gave him. And knowing Leroy, he would have been quite impressed, which would have given Vince quite the step-up on the social ladder. But apparently, all that was now out of the window anyway.

"You don't want to stay, do you?" Naboo suddenly spoke.

"…Not really, no."

"Then why did you agree to it? Vince, you can't do things like this just to please other people. This can really alter your life. Take it from me, I'm a shaman. And what you're doing, who knows if this is the right choice for you or not. This could be the biggest mistake of your life. Dropping out of school? You're pretty smart. And that's a waste. Especially if you're only doing this for Moon. You've got to think about yourself here."

"I guess you're right. But I just…I can't let him down. Did you see how happy he was? I have to stay Naboo…for Howard."

"That's a really brave thing you're doing. Let's just hope it's for the best." Naboo said lastly before snapping his fingers and disappearing within a cloud of purple smoke. Once the smoke was cleared, Naboo was gone, leaving Vince alone with his thoughts.

Naboo really was like a human fortune cookie. Well, alien fortune cookie. Or whatever the hell Naboo actually was. No one was one-hundred percent sure of that. But he was still pretty wise. So Vince wasn't sure if he should have just listened to Naboo or done what he thought was right, stay with Howard and help a friend.

He was almost positive that staying was the right choice. Howard was right, it would be fine. Vince loved animals; he would be fine in a zoo. And if his plan was still to get famous and become a rock star, school wouldn't have helped anyway. And surely his Uncle wouldn't mind. He didn't give a shit about Vince anyway. If anything, he'd be glad to have him gone.

But now how was he supposed to keep up with his habits? The main reason why he was looking forward to going back home was because he wouldn't have to sneak around to take a pill or light-up. Now he would have to sneak around all the time.

It would also mean saying goodbye to Leroy. What would he say anyway? What would he think? Vince didn't even want to begin thinking about Leroy at the moment. Everything just seemed like too much. If things actually were to go as planned, he would be just on his way back home right then.

But it was too late. Even if he wanted to go home – which he did – he had already told Howard that he would stay. Howard was probably on his way back from Fossil's office right then with news that Vince had a job. Now, he just had to deal with it.


	6. Pretty Tied Up

Vince stood beside the lion's cage. Light was reflecting off of his bright blond highlights while he tilted his head down, staring blankly at the ground while clinging on to the side of the cage with one hand, the other holding on to the latest issue of Cheek-Bone Magazine. It was a nice day out. Sunny and warm, portraying the best of the summer. Peaceful, too. The whole zoo seemed to be tranquil today. Not a squeal from Fossil all day.

It had been a long two years that Vince had been staying at the zoo. His plan was always to stay until he was eighteen, then move on into the city with Leroy. That's what he told himself the day he decided he'd stay. But now, he just couldn't. He couldn't leave Howard. Howard had always said that one day he would get out of the zoo, follow his dreams and become successful and happy. Howard always said the zoo was just a small step to get there. But Vince knew the truth. Howard wouldn't leave. Sure, he wanted to. But deep inside, he didn't have the will power to go out and move on by himself. Vince knew the only way Howard would actually suck it up and go for it was if Vince dragged him out and pushed him head-first into his dreams himself. Howard just didn't have the courage. He was afraid of disappointment, afraid of rejection, afraid of failure. And sure, who wasn't? But Howard was in a way, weaker than most. And Vince knew he would never get out there without a push. So he stayed. He was now nineteen, almost twenty, and he was still living in Fossil's Zooniverse.

This was that made Vince realize what was happening. He was slowly but surely, turning into Howard. During the time that he'd stayed there, he'd grown afraid himself, and was now hesitant to leave. He was now positive it was time to get out before it was too late. Before he was permanently like Howard, afraid to move on. He had to go now or he never would.

He lifted his head up and looked at the lion beyond the cage Vince was leaning against. He smiled at it, before turning his gaze to the rest of the zoo. He looked around at all the animals and the other workers. Vince did love the zoo though. He loved animals, he loved his co-workers, he loved the atmosphere and the warmness of the whole place. It was like a family, and he hadn't been in one of those in the longest time.

He sighed, taking his hand and running his fingers through his long locks while pondering what exactly he was going to do with himself. He'd longed for city life, but he loved this place. He almost needed it now. After a few moments of thought, Vince turned back around to face the lion. He gave it a wide smile and nodded his head. "Okay, I'm going to stay. But only for a little while longer…I promise that on my twentieth birthday, I'm out of here." For a second, Vince could a sworn he saw a sadness in the lion's eyes. He frowned, shaking his head. "I'm sorry Richard, I do love you. Just like a love all the other animals here. But I can't stay forever." The lion once again gave Vince a weak look, almost breaking Vince to his knees. "Don't give me that! Please, don't make me feel guilty. I got to get out of here, yeah? I bet you get the feeling. You're locked in that cage all day. Well, that's what I am. I'm like you, locked in a cage with a need to get out. Please Rich, you've got to understand." The lion kept a gaze on Vince. "Oh, c'mon! Don't be like that."

"Vince?"

"What?" Vince jumped and spun around on his heel, ending up face-to-face with Howard. He gave out a sigh of relief, grinning at the older man. "Oh, Howard, you scared me there for a moment."

"What were you doing? I thought I heard you talking to someone." Howard replied, looking around curiously.

"Oh…err…I was just…practicing."

"…practicing?"

"Gives me better charisma if I practice speaking, yeah?"

"Oh, right. Well anyway, I was looking for you because someone's looking for you."

Vince's facial expression lit up, "Really? Who?"

"Err…Vince, before you get all excited, you should know that-"

"NOIR!" A distant voice shrieked. Vince and Howard both jumped.

"What the fuck was that?" Vince asked, looking horrified.

"The person that's looking for you, you're not going to-" Howard was once again cut-off.

A blonde girl walked out from behind some cages. She had bright neon makeup, as well as colorful strips of hair beneath the blonde. Bright green eyes and sharp facial features. She was skinny as well, and very tall. Vince jumped and immediately went to hide behind Howard.

"No, please don't hurt me! I'll do anything!" Vince shouted from behind the bigger man.

The blonde shook her head in disgust. "Moon, move! I need to deal with Vince. Alone."

"No, Howard! Please stay! Don't leave me!" Vince begged, falling to his knees while clinging to Howard's legs.

"Move cappuccino stain!" The girl began raising her voice even more.

Howard looked frightened. He shifted his eyes between the girl and Vince, quite unsure of what to do. But he was getting rather terrified by the girl. He sure as Hell didn't want to stay in the middle of this mess. "Oh, um, I think I hear Fossil calling me. What's that boss? Oh yeah, on my way!" Howard shouted before running off, kicking off Vince's grasp on him.

"No, Howard you rusty ball of tweed!" Vince spoke with anger. Now he had to deal with Ultra himself. Sure, she was skinny and pretty twig-like, but so was Vince. Ultra looked tough, he knew she could take him.

"All alone now Noir. No where to run or hide. Time to fucking pay!" Her face grew as close as possible to his, without bumping noses.

"Pay? For…for..f-f-f-for what?" Vince shot back in fear.

Ultra grabbed on to the collar of his Zookeeper's jacket and pulled his face back to hers. "That show! The gig that Kraftwerk Orange had last week. You bloody ruined everything! Our performance, our chances of a record deal, you even helped break up the band by getting Johnny Two-hats to quit! You little cunt! You're going to pay!"

"I'm sorry! Please, just let me go. I'll do anything. I promise." He cried.

"Oh, I know you will. Believe me, you will." The electro girl then pulled him along with her as she began walking towards the other side of the zoo. At this point, Vince was too afraid to ask. He knew he was about to get beaten or stabbed or something. Ultra stopped in front of a utility closet and pulled Vince inside. She threw him into the corner and slammed the door shut, standing in the way so he couldn't escape.

"Ultra, please…I can't have my dead body found in a closet of all places."

"Would you quit? I swear, you're such a little berk. I'm not here to kill you."

"Wait, you're not?" Vince smiled widely with hope. "So you're not going to hurt me?"

"Well, I never said that." She smirked as Vince began to scream, the faint sounds being echoed throughout the rest of the zoo.


	7. On My Way

"I was not spying on Gideon." Howard mumbled as he swept away from the crumbs that collected around his eye.

"Oh really? So just playing crumb-eye again?" Vince replied with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact, yes I was."

"…Alone?"

"Would you just get off it? Here I was, having a peaceful lunch with my notebook and my twelve-inch sandwich and once again, you just have to ruin it, yeah?"

"What's the notebook for?" Vince asked as he picked it up from the bench they were sitting on. He began flipping through it, skimming across the pages, until Howard yanked it back.

"Don't look at that! Those are my private writings."

"Private writings?"

"So that one day when I'm a famous writer, I'll have these to look back on."

"Famous writer?"

"Oh- Would you quit analyzing me? Just let me finish my lunch. I'll finish my work in the fox cages later." Howard turned away from Vince and began to stand up, but Vince grabbed his arm and pulled him back down on the bench.

"Howard?"

Howard looked back down at the younger man with a feeling of concern. "Something wrong, little man?"

"I was just…hoping we could talk for a little bit. I mean, we haven't done that in a while and I just…I don't know. Is that alright?" Vince spoke quietly.

"Are you sure you're alright, Vince?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. We just haven't really talked in a while. I missed it."

Howard let out a warm smile and nodded his head. "Alright then, what's on your mind?"

Vince didn't speak for a few moments. He shrugged and kept a long gaze straight-forward at the zoo while keeping quiet. He then looked at Howard curiously and asked, "Why is it you want to be a writer?"

Howard spent a moment thinking about how to answer Vince's question before speaking again. "Do you remember a couple years ago when we were in school and you were going off about wanting to be a star?"

Vince simply nodded.

"Ok, well…" Howard started once more. "That's sort of like how I want to be a writer. You see, I want to have fame and fortune and fans and all that, but the thought of being in front of people merely terrifies me. I would just freeze up."

"So?"

"So, that's why I want to be a writer instead. Because I could still get rich and have fans but I won't have to perform in front of people or any of that. I'll just remain sitting in my bedroom comfortably with a nice hot cup of tea, writing."

"And you're sure that Gideon has nothing to do with this sudden need to be a writer?" Vince raised his eyebrows up at Howard with a small grin.

"Well…I…err…um…What's that Fossil? Sure, I'll be right there!" Howard shot up and began jogging away.

"But Howard, no one even called for you! Get back here and answer the question you corduroy ball!" Vince yelled out towards the direction Howard ran off to. He shook his head with a small laugh and stood to his feet. "Oh Howard, you hopeless man you." He said to himself. If only one day, Howard wouldn't build himself around what Gideon wanted in a man.

* * *

Vince was taking a walk around the zoo corridors. The zoo had already been closed-up for the night and the sun was just now beginning to set. He loved this time of day and always found it to be a good time to just clear his thoughts and take a walk. As he moved past the sleeping animals, he would look down at them and watch them for a couple minutes. They always looked so peaceful when they were sleeping, almost like a small child or Howard after he'd had a hot bath and a nice bowl of soup.

He continued through the zoo halls, skipping along and humming songs by the Human League. That is, until he got to Naboo's kiosk. He stopped, jaw-dropped, and stared at the shaman. Naboo was moving boxes around and clearing out the entire kiosk. All the little trinkets and magical stuff that was displayed through it were now gone, probably boxed up by now.

"Naboo! What are you doing?"

"I'm clearing out this thing." He replied simply.

"But why?"

"I'm moving. Didn't you hear? Me and Bollo."

"What? Where? And why are you taking an ape with you?"

"I found a place in Dalston. It's a nice flat with good utilities and a decent landlord. Three-and-a-half bedrooms, two bathrooms. Nice open floor-plan. Good view of the city. Great location. And there's a shop below it that I'm going to try to buy and turn in to my own magic-shop or something. I've had this planned out for a while, just hadn't found the right place—until now. But I have to bring Bollo with me because the Board of Shaman moved up my wizarding-rank. Now I'm required to have my own familiar. But it had to be an animal, so I picked Bollo. I even casted a speaking spell on him and everything. I taught him what he needs to know and now I'm bringing him with me. I figure he only needs some trees and bananas so I'm giving him the small little half-bedroom that's about the size of a walk-in closet. The other two spare rooms, I'm probably going to turn into storage space and a smoking room. I've got it all planned out. I'm getting out of here and I'll never have to set foot in this bloody zoo again. I'll even be closer to the council so I won't have to fly so far to see them. My magic carpet doesn't have great mileage anyway."

Vince was almost speechless. The 'zoo-family' wouldn't be anywhere near the same without Naboo and Bollo. Especially since now Vince would have to find a new connection to replace Naboo. His eyes widened as he processed everything Naboo said in his mind, which took a while. "Naboo, you can't just go like that. Things around here are going to be bloody awful without you. Can't you stay just a little longer?" _Or at lease until my twentieth birthday when I myself am out of here…_he thought to himself while awaiting some kind of response from the shaman.

"Well I'm not supposed to mention this, but you and Howard won't be on your own out here for much longer anyway." He lisped.

"Why? What's going on?" Vince began to grow worried.

"Fossil told me he found a place of his own too. He didn't say where but it's probably somewhere in the city because he mentioned a nightclub that was looking for a new manager. He said he's probably going to move out there and go for the position."

"So? What does that have to do with me and Howard being alone out here or not?"

"Think about it, Vince. Why would me and Fossil have been looking for new places to move into and new jobs for ourselves?"

Vince rested his finger on his bottom lip as he tried to think, but only drew a blank. "I don't know? Would you just please try to make sense here for once in your life. You know I'm not good at thinking."

The shaman rolled his eyes before continuing. "The zoo's closing you ball-bag. Bainbridge announced to us higher employees that he got back in touch with those people that were trying to build a road over this place. They agreed to re-do the contract and now we only have a couple weeks left before the zoo turns into a new interstate. I figure I'd beat the rush and just leave now before someone else bought that flat."

"They're closing the zoo? But they can't do that!"

"Of course they can. Besides, why do you think they let me take Bollo out of here with no problem? Because they were going to ship him off somewhere else anyway, along with the rest of the animals."

Vince looked around, shocked. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a seat on one of the stacks of boxes. "I can't believe this…" Just then, a light went off in his head. His gazed shifted at Naboo as he stood back up to his feet and went closer to the shaman. "Wait, I have an idea!"

"I was wondering what that awful look of strain was on your face."

"I'm serious!"

"So am I."

"No really, listen. You're going to have two spare rooms in your Dalston flat, right?"

"Oh Lord, here it comes." Naboo shook his head.

"Let me and Howard come with you!"

"No." He said bluntly with his casual dead-pan voice, already knowing where Vince was going with all that before he even started.

"But Naboo, why?"

"I already have to take care of myself and a bloody gorilla. I'm not taking care of two childish men as well. I'll have a lot to do down there with the council and with the shop if I can afford it, and I won't have time to look after you two."

"You won't have to, I promise. Leroy's got himself a place down in that area and he always said that if I ever moved near him, he'd get me a job. Besides, I already have a bunch of savings and money from my Uncle. I can support myself. Howard is a good worker, he'll get himself a job and you won't need to take care of him either. All we need are the rooms and you've got plenty of space down there for just you and Bollo."

Naboo sighed and looked down. He gave the idea a thought before looking back up at Vince and slowly speaking again. "You swear you won't get into any trouble while we're out there?"

A smile grew on Vince's face as his eyes lit up. "We can come?"

Naboo nodded his head. "Pack your bags."


	8. Kids

The tip of his finger ran against the edge of the tape sticking to the box. He looked at it fondly for a moment before stepping back to get a complete view at the entire stack of cardboard.

"Can you believe it? We're finally all settled in." Vince smiled.

"Moved in, maybe. But I don't know about settled just yet. We still have a lot of unpacking to do. Not to mention, get used to the place…" Howard mumbled stubbornly.

"Oh would you stop it. You've been raving for years about how one day you've got to get out of the zoo so you can move on with your life. And now you have! Yet you're still moping. S'not like we had a choice anyway. The zoo was closing. We had to leave. So get used to it and quit acting so bitter. You've been a twat since we left." Vince spoke and rolled his eyes.

"I've been a twat? What about you, you berk! All the way long it's been 'Naboo, how much farther? Naboo, why did we have to take a bloody carpet ride? Bollo, take a shower. Howard, turn of that damn music. Who took my hairbrush? Why isn't there any water left? Fuck, I ran out of candy! Are we there yet?'" Howard spat. "You've driven me insane the whole way here."

"Both of you need to fuck off and get out of my way." Naboo lisped as he cut in between the two. "I've had to listen to you the whole trip and I'm sick of it. Just get out of here so me and Bollo can get to unpacking."

"Yes. Precious Vince and northern twat go to rooms. Naboo and Bollo unpack now." The gorilla said while beginning to shoo the two out of the living room.

Howard and Vince nodded, each making their way to the opposite sides of the hall and entering their new bedrooms. Howard had to admit, it was a nice change to get to have his own room. Now he could decorate exactly how he wanted. A simple look, no stupid trinkets messing up the place. No dumb glitter and no clothes just laying around as if a near-by closet exploded. Just a plain, mature, jazz-inspired look. Maybe some light browns and deep greens. He may even pop in some soft orange to go with the nutmeg and beige. Howard continued to scale the room as he thought of what else he was going to do with it.

Meanwhile, Vince stood in the center of his new room. He already had a vision of what he wanted it to look like before they even set off to their new apartment. He wanted glitter, and lots of it. Bright colors, a modern feel but with a bit of old-school mixed in. His jewelry displayed on the dresser and mirrors everywhere. Maybe a Gary Numan poster over the bed to accent the Jagger shrine he would move to the back corner. But most importantly, no brown.

* * *

Naboo came in to the living room to join the other three sitting in an incomplete circle on the floor. The room was entirely lit-up with candles and nothing but a crystal ball sat in between the men—and Bollo. Naboo sat down in order to complete their circle, then handed each of the boys (—and Bollo) a cup of tea.

"So then, are we all settled here?" The shaman looked around at the group.

Vince nodded as he took a sip of tea. "Can we get a move-on, yeah? I want to start this thing already!" He, who sat cross-legged directly across from Howard, spoke impatiently.

"Alright, calm down. You have to be in a peaceful state for this to work anyway." Naboo replied while sitting on his knees, kneeling over the spherical piece of crystal. He slowly moved his hands on to the glass and ran them around the edges. He started to mumble his own little charms, which no one else could even understand, as if they were in a different language. The ball lit up with multi-colors. It looked as if a rainbow smoke was moving around inside of it. "So, who first?"

"You!" Vince smirked.

Naboo stopped, looking at Vince a bit surprised, yet bluntly. "What? No. I can't, I'm directing this whole thing here. I'm busy."

"You're not busy. C'mon Naboo, just do it!" Vince started to beg.

"My mind's like a fortress. You won't be able to get anything out of a shaman."

"You're mind is like a lump of flavored-tobacco. Now would you just do it already? You said this could act as an exercise for us to get to know each other since we'll be living together. Now don't be a little shit."

Naboo sighed and looked back down at the ball. "Fine. Ask a question about me."

Vince nodded and leaned over the ball to face Bollo and Howard. The three grouped their faces close together and began whispering their ideas of questions.

"I want to know where he's from!" Vince spoke quietly.

"Vince ask dumb question. Naboo from planet Xooberon. Next?" Bollo muttered.

"What about his shoe size?" Howard asked.

"Howard, are you mad? This is supposed to be fun. Think of something interesting for once in your life. If I want to know his damn shoe size, I'll take a poke around a pair of his shoes." Vince whispered back.

"Height?" Bollo asked.

"Can't be more than five foot. Anything better?" Howard turned to Vince.

"Yes, I've got it!" Vince whispered loudly as an idea grew in his head.

"Shh!" Howard lightly tapped Vince on the head. "Not too loud, we don't want him to here us."

"What is Vince got?" Bollo asked.

"His love life!" Vince whispered excitedly.

Howard made a look of confusion. "What? How is that interesting?"

"Think about it. He never talks about girls or his sex life of anything. Does he even got a girlfriend? We don't know. Why, you ask? He never mentions it."

"So? Who cares. You don't know about my sex life either." Howard replied.

"That's because you haven't got one. Now, I want to know about Naboo's love life once in for all." Vince demanded.

Howard sighed and shook his head. "Alright, just ask him and let's move on."

The three moved away from each other and back to their original spots on the floor. Naboo simply stared at them while awaiting their question. "Well?" The shaman spoke.

Vince lightly giggled as he began to reveal their question for Naboo. "Tell us about your love life."

Naboo's eyes widened. "What? Why?"

"Oi! Who's supposed to be asking the questions here? It's your turn to answer so just do it." Vince grinned.

"My fucking God…" Naboo mumbled under his breath before the crystal ball began to shoot out images of Naboo's past. It displayed moments of love _and _lust. There were even break-up scenes and memories Naboo had with his ex-girlfriends while on dates. The other three were shocked. After it was all over, Naboo looked up at Vince bitterly. "Happy now?"

"But Naboo, why don't you have girlfriends around anymore?" Vince asked.

"Well technically, your time of asking me is over. But if you must now, I am now asexual. Therefore, me having a romantic relationship would be pointless because I can't carry it out. Now, who's next?"

"Bollo do it." The gorilla offered.

"Wonderful," Naboo began as Vince and Howard inched closer to him in order to discuss their question for Bollo. "What should we ask 'im?" Naboo lisped.

"I want to know what is life was like before they took him away to the zoo." Vince stated.

"That actually sounds pretty good." Howard admitted before turning to Bollo and restating Vince's question. "Bollo, we want to see your life before you came to the Zooniverse."

"Place your hands on the crystal ball." Naboo added.

Bollo rested his hands on the ball. He watched the smoke twirl around and change colors until settling on a green and yellow mixture. The ball then began showing the group Bollo's previous life. He'd lived deep within Africa. He would run across tree-tops, stealing bananas and running around with other wildlife. He looked happy.

Once the ball was done, Vince gave Bollo a sad look. "I'm sorry you were taken away to come here Bollo."

"Vince no be sad. Bollo like England." The gorilla smiled at Vince, resting a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Bollo glad he meet Vince."

Vince smiled back at him and gave him a hug. "I'm glad I met you too Bollo."

"Can we skip the love-fest, yeah?" Howard spoke.

"You're just jealous he doesn't love you." Vince smirked.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Now let's move on." Howard replied before looking at Naboo. "Who's next?"

"You are." Naboo said.

"What? But-"

"But what? I chose you to go next. It would have happened sooner or later, Vince is the only one left."

Howard sighed and nodded his head defeated. "Alright."

Before the three even had a chance to meet-up and decide what Howard's question would be, Naboo beat them to it. "How did you meet Vince?"

Howard looked at him strangely. He'd never expect that to be his question. Although, he was quite relieved it wasn't something like 'Tell us about when you lost your virginity' due to the fact it hadn't happened yet and he didn't want them to know. He looked down and spent a moment thinking before slowly looking back up at them. "Actually, I don't remember to be honest. I've known him for…well…as long as I can remember—and that's not much."

Naboo nodded. "I know, that's why the ball is going to do the talking for you. It can dig up old memories your mind forgot was there and can no longer read itself."

"How?" Vince asked.

"That's the beauty of magic." Naboo replied. "Now c'mon. Put your hands on the crystal ball."

Howard did as Naboo said. Brown smoke whirled about inside the glass. Vince chuckled as it did so, "Looks like Howard's hair…" He laughed to himself quietly as Howard gave him a dirty look.

Pictures of the two as young boys began showing up on the glass. It showed the two as they first met at a park in their hometown. Vince was sitting beneath a bench and Howard was scooting down next to him to ask him what was wrong. Vince looked dirty and much like he'd been crying. It was raining and it looked as if the sun had just gone down. Howard began to comfort him. The two were speaking about what had just happened to Vince. There wasn't much detail, but it involved his parents and something that had happened earlier that night. Howard tried to get Vince to get up and go home, feeling that his parents must have been worried sick about him. Vince refused to leave, so Howard sat back down under the bench with him and stayed there with Vince for the rest of the night. The crystal ball then began to get foggy before the memory completely.

Vince and Howard looked up at each other, shocked. The room was left in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"I forgot all about that…" Vince spoke quietly. "I was a wreck and you stayed there with me…Howard, I…thank you."

Howard looked at Vince curiously, he still couldn't remember what happened with Vince's parents that night or why Vince was sleeping underneath a park bench, but it triggered another memory inside him—the fact that Vince used to live with his Uncle. Maybe that had something to do with the events of the night they met. "Vince…"

Naboo and Bollo continued to stare at the two, quite shocked themselves. After another long silence, Naboo finally spoke again. "So that's how the two of you met. Alright then…Vince, you're up. Last one of the night."

Vince slowly nodded, moving his hands onto the ball.

The other three just stared at each other. Naboo could already tell what Howard was thinking and what he was wanting to ask but it seemed as if he was almost afraid to. The shaman looked back over at Vince and began asking what he was sure was on Howard's mind. "Vince, what happened to you earlier that night?"

Vince's eyes widened drastically. "Naboo, no! Anything but that…" He shot his hands up from the ball as if refusing to do it.

Naboo looked down at the ball, the smoke began turning into neon shades of pink, blue and green. "It's too late, you were already touching it when I asked…" He spoke hesitantly.


	9. Bliss

_Rain poured down on the young boy's face as he dashed away from his home. The sight of what he had just witnessed was so unbearable, especially for someone of his age…_

_He had walked through the front door as sat down his schoolbooks. He was a little late getting home, but then again, he always was. Usually off playing with the other kids in the neighborhood until sundown. He then slipped of his jacket and kicked off his shoes, but then he stopped. He turned and looked around at the living room. No one was there. It seemed odd to him, but he just shrugged it off and continued into the kitchen. No one was in there either. "Mum?" He softly called out before looking through the rest of the house. That was when he found her._

_His mother was lying motionless on her bedroom floor. He gasped at the sight and ran quickly to her. He knelt down on his knees and picked up her head to lay it down on his lap. He delicately ran his hands down the side of her face and moved her long hair out of the way. "Mum, Wake up!" He cried out. She was still wearing the long silk gown which she had worn to bed to night before, making the boy wonder just how long she had been laying there like that. "Please, Mum, get up. Please!" He moved his hands down to her shoulders and attempted to shake her body, but still nothing. She didn't move. It was then that he looked down at her torso and realized she hadn't been breathing. He moved her head off of his lap and scooted down to her body. He carefully rested his head down on her chest and listened for the sound of her heartbeat, but there was none. Tears began to fall down his cheeks. He was so young, but he knew what this meant. He knew exactly what was going on. "Mum, mum I- I…love you. Please, just…" he stuttered as he tried to speak. Although he knew it was useless, he continued to try to wake her._

_It was an hour until the police and an ambulance showed up at the home. They rushed inside and pushed the small boy out of the way. He watched them pick up his mother and carry her onto the stretcher. That would be the last time he ever laid eyes on her._

_The ambulance drove off while a few policemen stayed. They began asking the boy questions about how he found his mother and what she had been doing the last time he saw her. He only shook his head, still full of tears, and managed to mutter, "She w-was w-w-waving to me from the p-porch when I l-l-left for school. I fou-ound her when I got home. She was…was-ju-just…lying there…"_

_The men looked at each other and shook their heads with looks of disappointment. "Shame such a young boy had to see this…" he heard one of them mumble under their breath as they walked off, scribbling something down on a notepad._

_A female officer then moved over to the boy and knelt down to his level. "Everything will be alright. Would you like something to eat? Are you hungry? Thirsty, maybe? We have your sister in one of our cars. She doesn't know what has happened yet, but she's right out there if you want to speak to her."_

_The boy simply shook his head. "I don't want to see her…"_

"_Why not?" The lady looked at him with concern. Most children would want to be with their siblings at a time like this._

"_I don't want her to find out."_

"_Well honey, she'll have to eventually. We're going to have to take the both of you away anyway."_

"_W-w-where?"_

"_Oh, don't you worry about it. You're both going to be fine. You'll be in a better, safer place. Are you sure you don't want anything?"_

_The boy shook his head once more, this time not speaking._

"_Well, alright then. If you want anything, anything at all, just let me know." She said just as she stood up and walked over to the other room. Vince heard her speak once more to someone else. He slowly began walking towards the doorway and pushed his ear against the wall. He could just barely hear them._

"_I've got the girl in the car right now. Dan is going to take the boy later because he doesn't want to see his sister right now. Probably just shocked still, although I can't blame him."_

"_Anyone else we should notify? Any grandparents, a father?"_

"_No, I already checked. They don't have any on file. From what we know according to family friends and neighbors, the woman hasn't had contact with any family in years. We don't know who their father is. There hasn't been one recorded. I tried asking both of them when we first got here, they said they didn't have one. Must not have a clue who he is."_

"_Has anyone told the girl yet?"_

"_No. She's still confused, but I think she's too young to quite understand even if we did tell her. I think it's best to just wait until we can figure out a way to put it to her gently."_

"_Which one are you taking them to?"_

"_The one off of Eighth Street. It's a good one, a lot better than most of the other foster places in this area. I think they'll be fine."_

_The boy slowly stood back from the wall as his eyes widened. He now knew what the lady was referring to as she mention taking him and his sister away. She was planning on sending them off to a foster home. "No…" he whispered to himself. There was no way he could be put into one of those places. He had known a couple other kids that had been in foster care. They would only say bad things about it. Some put into abusive families, some neglected, some both. He wouldn't do it. But what about his sister? Just then, he ran out on to the front lawn, but it was too late. A man had gotten into the driver's seat and began driving off just as the boy ran outside. He fell to his knees, more tears pouring. "Chloe!" He shouted in frustration. _

_How could all this be happening? It had started out as a perfect morning. Everything went just as it normally did. All the sudden, his mother was dead and his sister was being taken off to foster care. He wasn't even sure why his mother passed away. No one told him, probably because no one knew yet themselves. He was sure they would tell him once a report was filled out by the hospital, but he couldn't wait that long. By then, he would be sitting next to his sister in a foster home. He had to get out before they took him away as well. Just then, he stood up and looked around. There was no one outside at the moment and everyone inside seemed to be too preoccupied with what they were discussing. He suddenly began to run off. He used the back of neighbor's yards and the small side-streets until he finally made it to the park. Luckily, there currently was no one there, making It easier for him to hide. He looked around until spotting a wooden bench far back near the forest. He ran over to it and scooted himself beneath it. It helped block some of the rain from hitting his small body, but not much. At least by now the sun was completely down and there would hardly be anyone coming to the park until morning. Just then, he looked up and noticed another boy walking towards him. He looked to be around his own size, yet seemed so much older._

_The two talked for a little while. Although the events of that night were never exactly shared, the younger boy still made it known that he was upset and refused to go back home._

The door slammed behind Vince as he rushed up the stairs to the roof. After cutting through the attic and pushing himself through the high window, he sat himself along the ledge of the flat's roof, leaning his body against the chimney and letting the tears in his eyes begin to fall.

"Vince!" He heard someone shout from the window. He looked down and rolled his eyes. It was Howard.

"Go away!" Vince shouted back at him.

"No, admit it. You need someone right now."

"No I don't! I don't need anyone! I've never needed anyone! Just fucking leave me alone!"

"Vince, please. Just talk to me. You're my best friend. Why didn't you ever tell me about what happened? I've known you almost fifteen years and you never told me that? Why? I thought we trusted each other? I thought we shared everything with each other? Why couldn't you tell your best friend?"

"Because it's none of your goddamn business, Howard! It's mine, and if I don't want to talk about it, that means I don't want to fucking talk about it! Alright?"

"No! Not alright! I've told you everything, and you couldn't even trust me enough to tell me about something like that?"

"Stop it! Quit making this about you! It's not about trust and it's not about me not telling you everything. It's just not something I wanted to talk about. It's not something I wanted everyone to know."

Howard looked away from him and sighed. "Alright…I'm sorry. I was just…shocked, yeah? It's just a bit off to hear all this all of the sudden and realize that after all this time, you never told me. It's kind of embarrassing to find out along with everyone else, when I'm supposed to be your best friend."

"…Howard, you are my best friend. But I didn't want them to know either. I planned on it being a secret I would take to my grave. It's just hard to talk about…okay? I loved my mother, more than anything…It hurts to talk about it…"

"Vince?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you just tell me a couple things?"

Vince looked down and slowly nodded. "What?"

"What happened to your sister? And how did you end up with your Uncle?"

Vince sighed, shrugging. "Well, it didn't take long for the police to find me. But by then, my sister was already off with her new family. Turns out, we both had Godparents that we never knew about. My Mum had it set-up when we were born. Thing is, they're two different people. I'm actually not sure of where my sister ended up. I was so young and…you know, shocked…I didn't think to ask of her whereabouts. Then they put me with my Godfather. He's not really my Uncle though. I just call him that because I refused to call him Dad. I guess they were friends of my Mum. I did try to get in contact with my sister though, but when I went to the police, they said Chloe's family moved away just after the incident and they had no new records of them or where they went. I worry about her sometimes…but I'm sure she's fine. I can feel it…we were pretty close…"

This was all pretty hard for Howard to take in. All this he had never knew about Vince. He couldn't believe it. How could this be the boy that was always so happy? It must have been hard for him to hide the pain of it sometimes. "But…what about your Dad?"

"I don't know who that is. Mum never told me. Chloe either. All I know is he left when I was a baby. I really don't want to meet him anyway, if he was willing to leave his kid like that."

"That's understandable, I suppose…"

Vince nodded and continued to keep his gaze at his feet.


	10. White Rabbit

_It's been a while since I last wrote in this. But bloody Hell, the past few days have been so fucking difficult. I'm not sure why, but I've been kind of sad when I wake up in the morning. Probably because I haven't seen the sun in a while. It's been raining and really cloudy. But it all got started that night when everyone found out about my mom. I don't know why but I can't really stop thinking about it…It's just been on my mind a lot. I really miss her._

_I've been hanging around Leroy a lot lately. It's good because he helps me get my mind off things. Once we got settled in over here, me and him started texting again and met up with each other around the local shopping district. It didn't last long though before we went back to his place. He showed me something new this time, something so electric you wouldn't believe it. I actually didn't get the name of it because I forgot to ask before I left but Hell, It was great. It started when he offered me a drink. Of course, I wouldn't pass that up. Well actually, I never used to drink before. Not until that special party we had at the zoo where everyone was some kind of famous writer and they were passing around pipes and glasses of wine. I found out I really like wine. Then I tried other stuff after that. Found out I like all kinds of cocktails, beer, ciders…I like vodka a bit too. And then I discovered the 'Flirtini' and fell in love. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I said yes to the drink offer. But turns out, it was just a fizzy drink. No alcohol or anything. But then I realized, that was a bit odd for Leroy to just be hanging around with someone and not have offered any kind of…well…party favor. I was right. I only got a sip of the drink before he slipped something into it. I think it was a tablet or something but I'm not sure because I wasn't really paying attention to it because I found a smudge on my shoe and started messing with it. I might have been blue. Or was It white? I don't know. Could have been either. Maybe yellow. Who cares. Anyway, he put it in my drink, yeah? And that's when it all started. I ended up finishing the whole thing in maybe…ten minutes? I can't remember. But then I started seeing things. These colors were going everywhere. Pink, purple, green, blue, red…It was brilliant. Leroy started to look funny and his face was changing and moving around. Stuff around the room looked funny too, like they were floating almost. It was so amazing. I had a bit of a headache later that night though, but it was alright. We went out to an indie club and he bought me a few real drinks. We met a couple girls and talked with them a bit, but things got a bit fuzzy and next thing you know, I woke up on Leroy's living room floor laying next to him and these girls and a couple other guys. I wasn't fully dressed, and it was kind of hard to find my clothes because they were all mixed together with everyone else's, thrown around the flat. But after a while I got everything together and left. Leroy wasn't awake yet though before I went home and I still haven't talked to him since. But that was just a few hours ago so I'm sure he'll call later and we'll do something again tonight._

_I stopped by Topshop on my way home this morning. I picked up this cool necklace and a few pairs of drain pipes. I got these boots too, they're so brilliant. They go up to my knees and they're white. They're even around five inches tall around the heel! I love them. Howard told me they make me look like an electro prostitute tit-box but I don't care._

_I picked up a box of hair dye too while I was out. I just did my hair with it not too long ago. I can still smell the scent of peroxide and color-tint but I like it. It reminds me of…I don't know…change. That must sound a bit off, but it's true. The smell just makes me think of change, probably because it's what I smell when I dye my hair. It makes me smile though, the thought of change. I don't really like things staying the same anymore. Naboo says it's probably because I'm not completely happy with things, so I'm trying to change them until they're alright for my standards. But anyway, the color I picked was jet-black. I know, kind of weird for me right? Howard told me he thinks it's too dark for me. For one, because I'm really pale. And also because sunshine kids don't dye their hair black. But what does he know about sunshine kids? I can dye my hair whatever I want. Besides, I like it. It's so black it has a blue sheen to it in the light. And Bollo says it makes my eyes look brighter since they're blue too._


End file.
